It’s no secret that I’m staring down 50, and it’s been 16 years since I’ve been pregnant, praise the lord. But somehow it feels like one hundred years ago, with all the stuff I see the new, new moms doing. My biggest issue as a new mom was feeling guilty for choosing Huggies over cloth…

My husband went away for the weekend: Challah!! (When I say “challah” picture me with my hands raised in the air. When I first saw someone do this on tv I thought it was a Jewish thing, praising Allah, but then I wasn’t sure if Allah is a Jewish thing or a Muslim thing, so…

Someone recently asked me “How do you fill your days?” as if I was retired, and although I was insulted by the insinuation that I am a piece of flotsam blowing around like a tumbleweed serving no purpose, “Take that back!” didn’t seem like an appropriate response, so I dumped my cocktail down my dress…

A couple of weeks ago I had my annual visit with the gynecologist, which I have every 2-5 years. I’ve learned that if I sneak by without the annual appointment, it goes unnoticed for at least another 2-4 years (which, as I get older, is my goal). Honestly I don’t have time to take myself…

Bonjour, mes amies! Je suis de retour! For those of you not fluent in French like me, (and by fluent I mean I know how to order a cup of coffee, a baguette, or a glass of champagne better than anyone), I have returned from my trip to Paris! And try as they might, with…

Last weekend was interesting. Like chapters ripped from someone else’s blog and if it weren’t for the martini in my hand right now and the tiara on my head I wouldn’t even recognize myself. It all started on Sunday, when I found myself preparing to substitute teach Charlie’s confirmation prep class. It seemed like an…

I am one of the laziest people you will ever meet. And getting lazier all the time. I know you are surprised, nay, shocked, to hear this. I’m sure I come across as a very energetic, spry, woman with lots of gumption and get-up-and-go. Despite the fact that I get up at 5am every weekday…

So we are well into the new year and so far I’ve spent the better part of the month either lying on the sofa doing nothing or maniacally cleaning my house like there’s a contest. But I’ve also been contemplating the life that is D.Parker. Mostly about how I spend lots of time trying to…

I’m becoming an idiot. I’m not sure when the transformation started. I remember graduating from college and having some sort of job that required wearing panty hose, uncomfortable shoes and a long commute, so I must have shown some potential back in the day. Lately, however, I’m noticing more and more going on around me…

Well friends, I have some sad news to impart: yours truly has fallen off the wagon. I know what you’re thinking, “D.Parker, I didn’t know you had stopped drinking!” Don’t be silly, I would never give up the drink. What I did give up was chewing gum. Five and a half years ago. Not a…