Things started to get interesting last week when I woke up in the middle of the night scratching my face. I was wishing and dreaming that I was wearing sandpaper mittens, but it wasn’t until the light of day that I realized the problem. Unfortunately it had not been a spider that feasted on my…

Boy oh boy did this weekend suck. You might think I’m being premature in my statement, it only being Sunday evening as I write this, and tomorrow being a holiday. And all I can say to that is I CERTAINLY HOPE SO! There were all the trappings of a great weekend: the extra day off,…

So I’m not gonna lie, since Miles and Bianca went away to college, I’ve had some time on my hands. This probably sounds awesome to those of you who are still in the throes of potty training or dealing with spelling tests and Kraft Mac N’ Cheese and Girl Scout cookie sales and trying to…

The other night I was lying on the sofa watching Project Runway while trying to beat my sister-in-law at Words with Friends on my ipad, when I realized there were some Oreo crumbs in my cleavage. The fact that I have no cleavage to speak of makes this all the more disturbing. I won’t deny…

Yesterday I lost a steak. A nice, big, raw flank steak. I know I took it home from the market, and I know it came in the house with me. Which is good because once I lost an avocado and when I found what looked like a moon rock in the trunk of my car…

I don’t mention my childhood much. I do a good job of keeping up the facade of a level headed, well-adjusted, stable person, so you probably assume that I had a normal upbringing. But all was not perfect for little D. Parker. And I’m not talking about being a flat-chested, uni-browed, four-eyed, brace-face. Or that…

I don’t know where you live, but if it’s anywhere in America you might have noticed that it’s been hot as balls this week and I don’t want to hear that this is the result of global warming and we need to get used to it, because I’m telling you right now I am NOT…

When I got to the gym yesterday I noticed I was wearing two completely different shoes. I didn’t want everyone to notice how absent minded I am so proceeded to limp through my workout in a lame attempt to make it look like one of my shoes was a special orthodic that I was wearing…

I hope you all had a great Memorial Day weekend.  I sure did! It all started with multiple baseball games, double headers and hours on the ballfield. But hey, that’s all fun, right? Sure it is, especially when you have to work the snack bar inbetween the games that your own kid is playing in.…

Who is sick and tired of Gwyneth Paltrow? I AM!!!! Don’t get me wrong, I used to be a fan: of her acting and of course she is beautiful and oh, so sweet, and weren’t we all happy for her when she finally found true love, got married to the cool rocker and had those…